The joke's on me!

So I had the wonderful opportunity of being humiliated in front of strangers this month.  Oh, don't worry, the fact that they were strangers was nice, because I'm sure I'll never see any of them again, but still.


The story you ask?


Well...


Anyone who knows me knows that I secretly (or not so secretly) believe I am a Disney princess.  I mean, I like to sing, I like fabulous dresses, I like playing with small animals, and I like happy endings.  I mean, come on--what's not to love about a classic Disney movie protagonist?


So when I heard about auditions being held in California that were looking for girls with a height between 5'0"-5'3" to work on the Disney Cruise Lines as a princess character-look alike, I thought that here was finally my chance.  Blessed with my great stature of 5'1", you're saying I could sail around the Caribbean dressed as a fictional royal, and get paid for it?  Um, yes please.


Thus it was--very last minute--my kind mother and I made a decision to take a road trip to CA in order to chase my new-found dream.


I arrive at the audition location and look at all the girls around me.  Heh.  Most of them were over 5'3", and as mean as this sounds, many of them were not very thin or very--um--cute?  Anyway, I silently felt I had already triumphed.  Everyone seemed to be looking at me--probably knowing I looked far more the part than they did.  I was going to be a shoe-in.


After I signed in and was measured by the staff, I noticed lots of people wearing dance shoes and stretching.  I saw people practicing dance steps.  How showy, I thought to myself.  That's not even what they're looking for.  I probably should mention that I currently am recovering from a particularly nasty sprained ankle (long story, but let's say that I can walk fine with my brace on if it's not for long distances).  Anyway, due to this I thought it best to just sit quietly reading a book until the organizers finally announced they were ready to start.


The posting of the audition online said there would be a "movement" involved.  Pssh.  I can 'move' with the best of them.  If they wanted to watch me walk across the room like a princess, I can do that no problem.  If they wanted to watch me smile and giggle and wave to crowds, sure.  If they wanted to see me do some basic choreographed steps, fine, I can handle it.


But dance?


Um...


Anyone who knows me knows that I secretly (or not so secretly) am a horrible dancer.  I mean, I guess I can handle some pretty hardcore line dancing at one of those school-sponsored functions (Electric Slide anyone?), but real true dancing?  If you talk about different spins, kicks, and steps in that French terminology and you might as well be speaking Swahili.  I took some ballet classes when I was five and a jazz class when I was probably nine or ten.  And that's it.  I remember nothing.


And guess what?  The organizers of the audition had decided that a simple 'movement' was going to morph into a full-on choreographed dance.  They said it was going to be fairly simple, but that "probably many of you will feel over your heads.  That's fine.  Just smile and have fun with it!"


I started to get really nervous.


And...well, to make a long story short I was one of those in 'way over my head.'  Let's be clear, if I had known this was going to be an audition for dancers I would never have come.  Ever.  This audition was not posted under the list seeking dancers (there was a separate list I will have you know).  I know what my strengths are and dancing is just not one of them.  It's like showing up for a medical exam when you're a law student and expecting to do well.  Since I had driven all the way to SoCal from Arizona, I wasn't going to walk away before trying, but maybe I should have.  I mean, despite my normally poor dance skills, remember that I also have a sprained ankle to deal with.


As for the dance...there were kicks over your head and tons of spins and turns and jumps and complicated footwork...and I could barely keep up.  We practiced it only a few times before we were called up in small groups to perform in front of judges.


Ugh.  I try to block out unpleasant memories, and this is one of them.  Let's just say I bumbled my way--very ungracefully--through the ordeal, and then practically staggered off the dance floor when it was over.  The other people auditioning turned away from me, embarrassed for me.  And I refused to let myself think.  If I thought at all I knew I would want to die then and there.  And as I don't really want a premature death, I focused solely on the time--when will this be over, when will this be over.


Finally, the day was over and I was allowed to leave while those deemed to be professional dancers stayed to continue the audition process.  I called my mother who was at a hotel, and she came and picked me up, and we drove home to AZ.  That was that.  No cruising the Caribbean as a Disney princess for me.


So the moral of the story?  There could be several.


-When auditioning, be aware that 'movement' could very well equal 'professional level dancing.'
-Be brave and do things that might be over your head.  It builds 'character.'  (?)
-Don't dance on a twisted ankle.  My ankle got a whole lot worse and backtracked in its healing process.
-Real Disney princesses probably don't work on cruise ships.  ;)


Have a great day!